Judah Nathan McDowell

 

I was going to write my own story about the birth of our son Judah, but right now it may be a little too much to handle. I don't think I could make it through the first sentence without balling my eyes out. Rather than spending weeks writing a short story, I would much rather copy and paste Seth Eulogy from Judah's memorial. Please take a moment to read if at all possible. Thank you.

Remembering Judah

7lbs 4oz

 

   Our son Judah was born on July 22nd. After 39 weeks of waiting, and only 1 day prior to our scheduled induction at Evans hospital, the baby my wife carried for 9 months passed away. Twelve hours prior to Judah’s arrival into the world, he was taken away from us forever by a knot in his umbilical cord that tightened due to him getting closer to being born. In this kind of situation, it isn’t really preventable. There is literally nothing my wife and I could have done at all or done differently to prevent the loss of our 3rd child. Words can’t describe the grief of losing a loved one, let alone one that shouldn’t pass away so soon. Angel and I didn’t really realize how much we loved our son until God took him home. Our precious baby Judah would never see our faces. This was more than we could bear. After Judah was born, and even prior to his birth, the response from friends, family, and coworkers was unimaginable. We shouldn’t have felt alone in our suffering, but we did. There really is no cure for this kind of pain. We were able to spend about 8 hours with our son after he was born. During this time the only thing I could say was “Why God? Why is this happening?” I had no imaginable reason as to why my son was dead in my arms. I have been around the bible my whole life and read about the stories of Lazarus rising from the dead and Elijah bringing a woman’s promised child back to life. I begged God in prayer for more than 12 hours to do the same for me. We were visited in the hospital by friends from our church and from my unit in the Army, 10th Special Forces Group. In all honesty, it didn’t help much. Nothing at all could make us feel like the death of our child was justified. Verses from the Bible I memorized came into my head constantly saying “God wouldn’t put me through something I couldn’t handle” and “God causes all things to work together for good”. There was no comfort in these words. I’ve spent my whole life, as far as I can remember, trying to find what inner peace, which can only come from God, is supposed to feel like. This peace, that the Bible says transcends all understanding came that night as our son was about to be taken away from us for good. Angel and I leaned over the bassinet where my son lay. He looked almost peaceful, like he was asleep. I started to pray, and for the first time since we found out he wasn’t alive, I prayed in a different way. Instead of asking why and begging for this all to be a dream, I told God thank you. I’m not sure why I said it, but staring into the face of my own flesh and blood, I felt nothing but gratitude and pride that I could call this handsome little baby my son. I thanked God that he gave me a son who I could always know is safe in heaven, away from the troubles and pain of life. I thanked God for my son and the precious life he had. I asked God that he use my son as a tool to bring Him glory. I asked Him to use my son to teach others about his endless love and grace. I asked Him to use my son to break me into the man that He wanted me to be. I asked God to use my son as a beacon of hope to hurting people. I asked God to, in time, show me all the good that would come from my son’s death and help me to remember that, as opposed to having a bitter and angry attitude. After some more words and thanking God again for the honor of being able to be the father of Judah Nathan, I stopped. Filling me was an indescribable peace I had only read about. I could feel this peace fill me, and suddenly, I didn’t need to ask why and didn’t feel anger at the whole situation. I knew deep inside my heart that God was in control and he wouldn’t allow something like this to occur unless there was a deep and meaningful reason for it. I can honestly say that even now, I am a better man because of the lessons I have learned from my son Judah. I can honestly say that God has used the death of my son to do amazing things in the lives of others, even now. I know that lives will be impacted because of my son. I know that God will be glorified because of my son. It is comforting to know that although my son is gone, a stillborn infant can still help others see the goodness of God. I hope and pray that my son didn’t die in vain but rather for the hope that can only come from Christ. Now, because of my son, our Church in Colorado has created the Judah Fund. The Judah Fund will provide money to hurting families of stillborn babies from Evans Hospital in Ft. Carson, Colorado. Someday, through the giving of love and help from this fund, God may use our son’s death to bring others to life. My son’s memory will live on as it helps families who go through the same situation my wife and I are still going through. There is no way to know of the future impact his life can have and I can only ask that God will put Angel and I around people who will benefit from the story of his life. I know God has plans for Judah, even though he is in heaven. In your bulletin is a verse, Romans 8:28. It says that God causes all things to work together for good for those that love him and are called according to his purpose. I have always clung onto this verse in tough times, but never more than now. I truly believe that a tremendous amount of good will come for myself, my wife, kids, family, and friends as well as anyone who hears of his life. I know I will be a better man and more devoted to being Christ-like because of this time. I know my wife will lean on God for the supply of peace that can only come from him. I know my kids will be stronger from this time when they understand Judah’s legacy when they are older. I know my friends and family will hold their kids just a little tighter and longer, recognizing that life is but a fragile vapor. There is so much pain and suffering in the world today. I was comfortable before all this happened. I was content in my own little world, ignoring all those who were moving through life thinking there is no hope. Since I lost my son, I can honestly say my eyes are opened. Life isn’t just a walk in the park anymore. Judah helped me to open my eyes to everyone around me. I can only hope that the memory of this child will spur you on to look for ways to bless others whether or not you are a Christian or if you believe in God. You don’t have to believe in God to help and care for others. But I can affirm that a belief in God will supply you with hope that doesn’t go away even when tragic things happen. Although my wife and I will never have the chance to raise Judah, we find great comfort knowing that he is with God and that this same God loves us, despite how much we fail him. I don’t believe God caused my son to die. I do believe God could have easily prevented it or brought my son back to life. This did not happen. With this in mind, I know without a doubt that my son’s passing has a reason, a reason that I may never fully see. God doesn’t allow bad things to happen to his children unless there is a reason. I will never doubt this till the day I die. I can always find peace and rest, understanding and hope, joy, love and truth in every circumstance despite what a life in this wayward world puts in my way. Never has this truth been more apparent in my life. I have a God who loves me, and loves my son Judah. He loved me so much that He gave his own son for me so that I might be cleansed from all my transgressions and have the opportunity to live life to the fullest. Never has this been clearer to me. I now can understand the deep love, as much as my finite mind can grasp, that my God has for me knowing he gave up his Son. Judah’s death has presented a very difficult time for my family of four. I know I can never replace my son. However, in this time, we are finding peace, and this peace is greater than the grief we feel. I thank God for providing me with this peace, without it, I would not be up here delivering this message of hope. Choosing how to remember Judah will be a daily challenge. Rather than spend months and years mourning over my son, my wife and I have chosen to accept that God loves us and is in control. We have decided to be grateful for the life Judah had. We have chosen to remember him with joy and thankfulness knowing he is in a better place. We choose to spend our emotion loving the children we have, rather than neglecting them and grieving to no end. I can honestly say without a doubt that I am the most blessed man in this sanctuary. I am proud to be the father of Judah Nathan McDowell, and I am grateful to God for all that has happened in my life. Words can’t describe how much I miss Judah and how much I wish I could hold him as a father should be able to do for their child. But I know that my God is a redeemer and will provide for me more than what he has taken away. I find my contentment in Christ alone. I choose to focus on the good in this time, not the tragedy. I ask that you all join me in this way of thinking. Judah Nathan in Hebrew literally means “Give thanks or praise to the Lord for his gift”.Angel and I will remember Judah in a thankful way to God and always consider him nothing other than a blessing. For whatever reason you came today, I hope this little child’s story can inspire you in some way in your life and hopefully spur you towards the reality that life is short and feeble. Angel and I have hope in God and we pray that Judah’s memory can inspire you all to take a second look at what this hope is. God loves every soul that walks this earth in an indescribable way. I pray that the story of Judah Nathan McDowell constantly remind you of this love. I pray that his memory live on in your hearts and I pray that it be a memory of joy and hope, a hope that never goes away, despite all the storms of life.