Graduating class of 2014

Growing up I was always the odd one out. I developed the name hermit from my parents because I enjoyed being by myself and was often caught doing my homework. I always told myself that despite being called names and being considered a nerd that I would succeed and stand out amongst the rest.  I did not have perfect grades but when I put my mind to something I either achieved my goal or over achieved. I had always wanted to go to college, partly because my children and myself would have a better future if something were to happen to Seth. But also because my love for learning and to set and example for Levi, Rebekah and Asher.

Long story short, I am proud to say my hard work has finally paid off. After two and a half years of waiting, hours of home work along with taking care of two toddlers, delivering two babies, a wedding and moving twice… I will finally be getting my degree.  

Though this may not seem like much to the average person, I have looked forward to this day for many years. On top of all of this, I will also be the first in my family to graduate college. I am not saying that I am better than my family, but it does give me a sense of pride.

Hopefully in the future while the kids are in school I can further my education. Until then I will enjoy having normal vision from not staring at a computer all day, and focus my time on being a better mother and wife.

Finally…A Ceremony

So it only took 6 years, but Angel finally got her ceremony. While I was in Germany in February, I decided it had to be this year or not at all since my future really had no guarantee that I would have any time off. I told Angel I would give her a wedding, and like all the other times, she said "yeah, ok". So I emailed Ryan Flynn for the most important aspect of the ceremony (pictures) and began making plans. After a while, Angel caught on as it seemed to be more and more likely to actually happen. Once I got my leave form approved, the photographer set up, and the chapel reserved, the planning went into full swing. We wanted a low-key ceremony, elegant, but not too extravagant. Looking back, I think we got just that. The little chapel seated all those we invited just right. It was a difficult decision to only invite a certain few, but we had no choice due to the venue and a budget of debt we were willing to take on to have the memory we both wanted. I ended up spending more on my suit then Angel did on her dress, and the weeks leading up to the wedding dragged on as I out processed Fort Carson to head to North Carolina.

We were able to get time off, two months actually, the longest by 30 days since I joined the Army 8 years ago. During that time we would move and have a wedding in the process. I never thought we would be homeless when we had the wedding I thought we would never have (everything we owned occupied two little storage units in Colorado). Most everyone in the family was able to attend which made the time beyond memorable. Daniel did a fantastic job at leading the ceremony. Debe and Katy, as well as Debe's sister (Violet) did an amazing job at doing the finger-food style reception in the same small chapel we did the ceremony (the Ruston Chapel in Ruston, WA).

The event was absolutely perfect. The only thing that Angel would have had different was that she wished her bouquet wasn't the droopy waterfall style bouquet she never asked for. The cake was amazing thanks to Celebrity Cake Studios in Tacoma. Burned into my memory is the most beautiful women in the world that I finally got to see wearing the white dress I always dreamed I'd see my wife wear. I will never forget how cute Angel looked, blushing, as she practically ran down the aisle, as red in the face as she was the same day exactly 6 years prior. Although we used money we didn't really have, the ceremony was breathtaking for us. Kevin McFarland put us up in the Westin in Seattle and we had a wonderful night and morning. What a great time. I am so glad we decided to fork out the few extra bucks to get such a great photographer in Ryan Flynn, he is beyond gifted when it comes to using a camera. He gave us a great deal and we couldn't be happier with the timeless memories that reside in the pictures we have.

It only took 6 years, but we finally had our storybook wedding!

Asher Jaden McDowell

On 15 September 2013, in the wee hours of the morning, Asher Jaden McDowell was born at Womack Army Medical Center in Fort Bragg, NC. He was a perfect 7 lbs 14oz and 21 inches (I was one ounce off on the weight and spot on on the length, just like the other 2 kiddos), all multiples of 7…you can't get any better then that. Angel was induced after waiting in the waiting room for many hours. She was induced because the doctors said as high risk as he was, it would be best if he came out prior to 40 weeks gestation. After 5 hours of labor by the most wonderful woman in the world, our little boy came out, fit as a fiddle. He was a little slow to cry, and we were very paranoid after losing our last child. Nonetheless, he endured and is healthy despite being on Zantac for Gastro-Esophageal Reflux Disease (GERD aka reflux).

Asher has been the most incredible blessing we could have ever asked for. Angel and I look back, and we can say with all honesty, that we would not have been so grateful for Judah as we are for Asher. As Judah's name had tremendous significance, we chose Asher's in a similar way. In Hebrew, Asher means "happy or blessed" and Jaden means "God has heard" in Hebrew. Without a doubt we are blessed beyond belief because God has redeemed us and given us the most precious gift we could ever ask for, a healthy and beautiful rainbow baby.

Angel has labored magnificently in raising our little boy, breast-feeding our little gift all day and night. I'm amazed she continues on with seemingly no sleep. I do my best to help, but she is strong and resilient and needs little. I am equally blessed in having a child as precious as Asher as I am to have such a strong woman to be my wife as Angel.

I look forward with joy into the future, counting myself as one of the most blessed men in the world when I look into Asher's precious and trusting blue eyes. I am amazed at how much love I have for him when I have no doubt I would have seen Judah as a burden due to my immaturity. Although losing Judah was painful, Asher has filled the void in our hearts left by the horror of holding your dead child. I cannot stop hugging and kissing him. He truly fills my heart with more happiness than I have felt in over a year. We are now a budding family of five. Levi and Rebekah love their baby brother and sing to him whenever he cries. Our family feels the closest to complete it has felt in a long time.

Seth

Bittersweet!

Bittersweet- this is a great word to describe the military life. I am sure Seth would use another word, but for me the word is bittersweet.

Colorado Springs or Ft. Carson has been our hometown for quite some time. For some this may seem like a very short time to live somewhere and call it “home” Seth and I have both lived in this beautiful state going on 5 years. 

Main gate for Ft. Carson

A view of Pikes Peak

I gave birth to 3 children, Levi, Rebekah and Judah and we also bought our first house as a couple in the cute town of Fountain, just minutes out of gate 20. 

Our first house

Our Current house

Just as I was getting content living here as well as making wonderful friends through Fusion Church and MOPS, Seth gets his orders for Ft. Bragg….  Although we have lived in NC close to a year in the beginning of our marriage I remember not liking it at all. I am sure part of hating Ft Bragg was due to having very little friends and absolutely no money. We lived in a nasty townhome that was infested with spiders and crazy loud people who could easily be on Jerry Springer for their problems that they felt the needed to display in the parking lot…. EVERY NIGHT

Hopefully the next 3 years living in North Carolina will be a better experience for all of us.

As some of you read in my last post we DID buy a house in Raeford. Seth was visiting NC for about 3 weeks and got a chance to look at a few houses. We finally settled on a cute 5 bedroom that will be perfect for our growing family.

Our new house

Overall we are excited to start over in our new home with a soon to be new baby and new Job. Were nervous and most of all ready to settle down without any deployments or long trips out of state (for Seth)

We will defiantly miss Colorado and our wonderful friends  =) 

20 weeks!

YAY!!!! I finally hit the 20 week mark! I can now say I am half way through this pregnancy! This has by far been the fastest pregnancy I have had. I wish I had more time to "enjoy" being pregnant but our schedule with the wedding, moving and buying a house is making it almost impossible.  Thats ok though, the sooner I can hold Asher the better =) 

So far the most exciting thing about being 20 weeks is Seth feeling Asher kick. We were just sitting there watching TV and he reaches over to touch my belly, immediately Asher decided to give daddy a little kick =)  I was surprised he felt it because with the other babies we couldn't feel anything until about 24 weeks.  

I finally convinced myself a couple weeks ago to go out and buy an outfit for Asher. I have been feeling a little depressed thinking that if I bought anything for him that I may get too attached. Im not really sure how to describe the feeling, but its defiantly not a good feeling.... especially when you want so bad to think that your baby will be wearing that outfit you spent over an hour picking out. I am hope and pray that this feeling goes away soon. Hopefully our ultrasound this Wed (May 8th) will confirm that everything is ok. 

Asher's summer outfit for our beach outings =) 

  


More exciting news: My best friend Whitney was sweet enough to throw me a little baby shower yesterday. Because we are leaving CO on the 17th it was also a good bye party as well. I had such a great time and felt very loved. Thank you everyone for showering Asher with lovely gifts and yummy food =) Whitney you are the best! 


Here is my 20 week shot. 

 

 

17 weeks =)

Dang!! Its been since December since I have last posted... Sorry guys, we have been pretty busy.

Somehow I have made it to 16+ weeks without telling anyone I was pregnant, not sure if people had already thought it or thought I have a little to much to eat. I felt that some would question our decision on becoming parents again just 6 short months after losing our son Judah, almost as if we were replacing him with another child. The truth is, if you have experienced the loss of a child then you know that having another child 9 months later or even 10 years later does not replace the one you have lost. Losing a child and giving birth to a healthy baby will never make what happened better or fix what happened. Judah will always be my son no matter the circumstance. I carried him for 9 months and held him in my arms for 7 short hours. To me that is everything and nothing can ever replace that. So for those that have a problem or see this as unhealthy for my family, I am proud to say that I am pregnant with Judah’s little brother and no one can change that.

As most of you know by now, we are having another boy. We chose the name Asher because 1) it’s Awesome and we have never met another person with his name 2) because Asher means fortunate, blessed and happy. All of these were feelings I experienced Valentines Day, the day I found out we were having another baby.

I knew from the begging that we were going to have a boy. Seth daydreamed about having another girl running around but I just felt that God was going to bless me again with another boy. I’m not really sure how to explain it but it was an amazing feeling getting the ultrasound and confirming that what I felt was right.

(Today while writing this I am exactly 17 weeks and 5 days, boy has time-flown bye. Before I know it we will be holding our little Asher.)

Seth and I are not used to having a “normal” calm life so in the midst of becoming pregnant we thought why not celebrate what we have been though with renewing our vows and having a real wedding =) After losing Judah, Seth and I had a few rough patches… Mainly I felt that he didn’t understand what I was feeling and he felt I didn’t understand how he was feeling (as if we didn’t go through this together) Things are SOOO much better than they were and a renewal of vows just felt right. We both have been though more than most and I know our marriage can withstand anything. I hope family and friends can find the time to enjoy this special day with us.

There is not much to write about this pregnancy because it has been smooth sailing. No problems what so ever as of now… I am hoping it stays that way. My Dr. told me that they would be inducing me at 38 weeks and 6 days just to be safe and to keep me from stressing while hitting the 39 week mark (we lost Judah at 39 weeks) I really wanted a home birth or as natural as possible rather than being induced.  Seth ad I felt that getting induced and being monitored would be best in our situation. As long as our baby is healthy and a good size then I am ok with any way he enters this world.   We will be getting an ultrasound on the 8^th of May; this will be the ultrasound where we see if there is anything wrong with Asher. At the 20 weeks ultrasound with Judah we found out that he had the two-vessel cord. Please pray that I can be calmed that day and everyday after till we hear back from the Dr. I’m pretty positive that things will be fine though =)

Although I am not a believer in the “pregnancy glow” except having oily skin, gaining fat and not fitting into anything I have felt pretty great. I had an early glucose text which came out negative but I have to go back when I hit 30 weeks =/ Gestational diabetes is NOT fun to have so I am praying I can avoid going thought that again. Here are a few pictures of my baby bump as well as Asher’s 16 weeks ultrasound.

Oh and I HAVE felt him kick. So, so amazing!!

Family Pictures!

Every time I am pregnant Seth buys me something big.. For Judah it was the Ergo carrier (which I LOVE) for Rebekah is was an air conditioning unit for the house and for Levi it was a Canon Rebel camera. I have had the camera for over 4 years and still have a hard time learning how to use it. This year I was determined to take our Christmas pictures in hopes that Photoshop would help me out a bit and that they would be sent out in time for Christmas. Despite the kids freaking out, Seth getting bored and me stressing out, I managed to get a few decent ones… Here are a few pictures from our photo shoot.  Notice Levi TRYING to smile or make us laugh.